I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
did i just pee glitter
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