You really coming over, don't trick.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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