It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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