sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
