I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
