I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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