update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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