He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
