Me too!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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