Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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