sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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