We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize