I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
