hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's blow job season.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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