i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize