i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
