why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
