sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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