Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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