I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
