Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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