Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
