I can tuck mytits in my pants
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
