Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
