Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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