I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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