she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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