it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
