True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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