3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
