dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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