Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
