I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
