I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize