Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
