We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
