Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
