We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
