Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
