My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
