The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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