matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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