god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
