i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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