Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
