after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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