TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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