I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
