I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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