Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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