You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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