oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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