I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
