OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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