As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My vagina just recognized that song.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
