I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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