We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
