I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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