She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize