mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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