I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
