The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
this hospital has no fireball
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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