Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
