i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
