theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
