You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
