Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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