my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
