as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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