Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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