how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
