I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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