I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
