what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
