I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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