I am puke
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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