I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
