We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize